I'd just like to preface this rant with a disclaimer. I know not all men are sexist. I know some women are sexist too. When I say "you" I am not referencing it directly to you. I'm referring to the sexist people I know in my life so please do not take it personally. Unless you're sexist. In that case, fuck you.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
At work today, my coworker and I (we'll call him Icarus) somehow got onto the topic of whether or not a woman divorcing her husband should receive alimony. Icarus said, "It's completely unfair that if I were to divorce my wife she would get money from me every month. I support her while she's home with the kids every day, so she should be damn grateful." This annoyed me. Severely annoyed me.
Obviously, every situation is different. But if a woman gives up her career to be a stay at home (SAH, because I'm lazy) mom, she loses all her benefits and her retirement plan when she does so. Not only that, but if she's a SAH mom she also loses out on YEARS of building up her resume, learning new skills, etc. So when she eventually does divorce her husband and have to re-enter the work force in order to survive, she's severely limited in what options she has available to her. Based on each individual situation, she bloody well deserves some fucking alimony. As a disclaimer, I believe a man should have this same opportunity given he's in the same situation as the woman is in this scenario.
While I was stewing over this conversation, I begin to think over all the different ways men (one or two women are included in this too, sadly) have been sexist towards me. And I really began to get pissed the fucking hell off.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I was joking with a random coworker (he got fired for something unrelated) about Spongbob. He was saying spongebob funny, and I was jokingly mocking him and it sounded like spongeboob. He said "spongeboob" really thoughtfully then turned to me and asked "Do you have spongeboobs?"
"...excuse me??!"
"I'm asking if you have implants."
"That's...not really appropriate to ask..."
"What? Really?"
NO, NO IT IS NOT. This one is just stupid.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Another coworker (We'll call him Wall-E) has always had a strange demeanor about me. I grew suspicious of his opinions of women in the workplace, so I asked him what his thoughts on that subject were. His response (paraphrased), "Women belong at home, with the children. It's the nature of things. Of course, in today's society both women and men have to work otherwise you can't survive. So women work out of necessity - not because they should." At the time, I was incredulous. Actually, screw that, I still am. Just because I'm female doesn't mean I don't belong in the workplace. Sure, I may not be as physically strong as a man because I'm genetically different. But don't think just because I'm small I don't have just as much to bring to the table as a guy would. I'm a hell of a lot more intelligent, definitely more educated, and far better with making customers thinking they're being treated the way they should. I'm just as hard working. I'm just as important to the team.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I'm fairly certain I'm one of the first females my boss has had working directly underneath him. When I first started, he told me (paraphrased), "I'm not no sexist. I got my wife and daughter at home, and there ain't nuthin' they can't do, so I don't have any issues with hiring you." Excuse me? I'm sad that he felt he had to even tell me this. I wish that this was just...commonly accepted. I think part of why he felt the need to tell me this was because he knew the vast majority of his other workers are sexist.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Working in retail can be a massive pain in the ass. It's not complicated or mentally challenging work. It's not even that physically strenuous. But it is mentally tiresome. Dealing with irate, demanding, bossy customers who are determined that their way is the right way (even when they're oh-so-obviously WRONG) is stressful. It makes it just ten times more stressful when you're a physically small woman who is very easily intimidated.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I work in the meat department of a retail store. We have a refrigerated room we cut in, with a large window so customers can see in. I had one male customer come up to me and tell me, "You grind this pork up for me."
"No, sir, I'm sorry. We can't do that because that pork has bone in it."
"You grind pork for me."
"No, I'm sorry sir, we can only put beef in our grinder."
"You grind pork now."
"I'm sorry sir, our grinder is beef only."
At this point, he looked inside our refrigerated room and saw my male coworkers. "You ask them to grind for me."
The entire conversation was held in a demeaning tone. As though I didn't know what I was talking about. As though I needed my male coworker to come out and tell him for me that we didn't do something. Just because I was a younger female person, I obviously didn't know if our beef-only grinder could have pork in it or not. Oh no, I'm way too dumb to understand such a complex subject. At this point, I snapped a little bit and actually stood up for myself for once. I lost my polite I'm-dealing-with-customers voice. "No. We don't do that," my tone was sharp, and I glared at him, daring him to push me more. He stared at me for a minute, laughed nervously and walked away.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I frequently have customers call me "babe", "baby", "sweetie", etc. "Oh thanks babe." "Can you get that for me, sweetie?" It's demeaning. It makes me angry. I don't want to be called by pet names. My boyfriend calls me "babe" - not you. Thinking about it now, it makes me so angry, I want to cry and punch something. I want to stand up for myself and tell them "My name is Cemy, if you need anything from me please call me that." But I'm scared. I'm scared of what they'll say or how they'll react. I'm scared they'll go to my bosses and make up stupid bullshit just to get me in trouble. I'm scared they'll yell at me and get angry. Perfect example of someone getting angry with me? Another coworker.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
This one we'll call Frank. Frank is a married man with three kids. His oldest child, female, is about fourteen, I'm twenty-one. He's in his forties. Fred started off calling me "honey". I thought that was kind of weird, but I thought perhaps he thought of me as he would his daughter. It's a frequent nickname for someone older to call someone younger. Which, I'm okay with that. I'd prefer Frank to think of me as a daughter rather than the alternative. "Honey" soon became "doll". This made me even more uncomfortable, but I didn't say anything because he kind of has that personality where he just...nicknames women, I suppose. I kept reminding myself that he probably thought of me as his daughter. Frank called me "babe" once. I told him politely that "babe" is a nickname my boyfriend calls me and I was not okay with him calling me that. In fact, I'd prefer if he didn't call me "doll" or "honey" either as they make me uncomfortable and I'd rather him call me by my name. He was all (paraphrasing), "Oh yeah, sure sure. I didn't mean anything bad about it, it's just force of habit." Okay, fine, whatever. I then became "Dol-I mean Cemyyy." Which was still annoying, but at least he was trying, right? Wrong.
Every once in a while he'd forget and call me "doll". I didn't say anything at first, because everyone forgets, and he was in the habit of calling me doll. I should have called him out every time he did, but I didn't and so it progressed. After a few months, he was back to regularly calling me doll, and I was back to telling myself that it was a daughter thing. One day, I asked him where the box cutter was as I needed it. His response? "It's in my pocket, go ahead and grab it." Not even thinking about what he said, I started to reach and then hesitated with a confused look on my face. 'Did he just say what I think he said?' Frank immediately began cracking up, as he handed me the box cutter, "Ohhhhhh, you were totally going to do iitttttt, ahahahaha." Still not even able to process what had just happened, I returned to my job.
Later, Frank came up to me and told me to do the same thing to another coworker. I stammered out that I wasn't comfortable with doing that. He asked why. I replied, "Because it's inappropriate." His response? "Ooooh? You took it like that? Oh no! I didn't mean it like that." What the fucking hell did he mean then? How is asking me to remove an item from his pocket fucking funny unless you're referencing to a hand job or your dick? Let me spoil that one for you. It's not.
I considered reporting him for sexual harassment. I really did. I even spoke with my managers about the situation, but in the end, I decided not to. Again, I was scared. He wouldn't be allowed to tell anyone else about me reporting him. But he had a big ass mouth. He'd worked at my store for six years. Him and Wall-E were besties. It would get around that I was an uptight bitch and no one would be willing to talk to me. Of course, my bosses swore that they had a no-tolerance policy for retaliation - but they force people to see me the same way they did before I became the uptight bitch. They couldn't force my coworkers to continue laughing and joking around me. I knew that, so I instead did what my managers recommended I do if I refused to give them his name. They told me to go talk to Frank, so talk I did. And boy, I wish I fucking didn't.
Deciding that I had already addressed the "It's inappropriate" about the box cutter earlier, I chose to just talk to him about the nicknames. At this point, I had decided, no he didn't see me as he would his daughter. If that's how he spoke to his daughter, I felt sorry for her. So I mustered up all my courage to tell Frank again politely, "Frank, I'd really appreciate it if you call me by my name. It makes me uncomfortable when you call me by those names." His response? Oh lordy, lord lord. His response pisses me off more than anything else here.
(paraphrased)"WHAT? Are you serious? I can't believe you'd imply I would EVER cheat on my wife! I love her and I would never cheat on her. Y'know what? You talk all high and mighty but you're just as bad as the rest of us. (I have a standing policy that I don't care what sexual shit they talk to each other or about customers, as long as they leave me out of it.) You call me Frank all the time! (I accidentally called him Frank once, and would occasionally call him Frank as a standing joke of how silly I'd been to call him that before) How DARE you insinuate that I would ever cheat on my wife? You're completely blowing this out of proportion! I don't mean anything bad by it! Y'know what? You just act like a professional and I will too!" Cue him storming out of the room. I stewed over this for thirty minutes or so. I didn't have the right to be called by my name? What? I should just sit back and let him call me whatever he wanted? I took several deep breaths to calm down and went back to talk to him - albeit I had to fib a bit.
"Frank, I didn't know that me calling you "Frank" made you upset, I'll definitely refrain from doing it again in the future. I know you don't mean anything bad by what you say (fiiiiiibbbbb), but if someone else were to come and call me those things and mean bad things by them, I'd have to let them because I let you." This he seemed to accept and he calmed the fuck down and stopped being an angry fuck. But I couldn't be comfortable around him anymore. I dreaded days where we worked together. And I secretly celebrated (and all my other coworkers were sad) when he eventually got fired (for something else).
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Even when I'm doing my recreational activity - GAMING - I get to deal with this shit. It is SUCH a rare occasion to find a guy who is genuine. One who respects your personal boundaries and doesn't throw a hissy fit about how you're "overreacting" when you tell them you're uncomfortable. If you're that guy, thank you. Instead, I get told to get back in the kitchen. I hear "OMG A GURL" if I ever speak in a CS:GO server without having male friends with me. Guys friend me randomly because "OMG A GURL." They try to give me free shit because "OMG A GURL." I get messages asking me for titty pics or "Prove your a guuuurl". I get guys who are normally pretty good drunk messaging me on steam about how I should dump my boyfriend to be with them instead. I get told I am a possession. I am an object.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THIS ISN'T EVEN ALL THE STORIES I HAVE. I limited myself to the past YEAR. I have a shit memory, so I know I'm missing stories of what's happened. This doesn't count the sexual harassment I faced at my previous job either. This doesn't count the AGE discrimination I dealt with at my previous job. At this point, I'm just....I don't even know. I'm angry. I'm sad. I'm despondent. I'm sick and tired of sexist fucks. Granted, I do know good people...but still. I hate having to deal with this every day I go into work. I hate knowing that I can't join a random matchmaking or server without having to deal with trolling because I'm female. I hate knowing that regardless of where I go, it will always follow me. I'm working on learning how to set better boundaries, and dealing with the backlash that comes when you call out a sexist creep on his sexism...but it's just. I don't know. I'm tired of the pet names. I'm fucking sick of being told (by words and by actions) I'm inferior because of my gender. I feel angry and helpless. I hate feeling like I have to represent my entire gender. I hate feeling like I have to prove to everyone that I am not inferior. I feel just so...done.
TL;DR Somewhat sexist conversation with coworker causes me to reflect on all the sexism and sexual harassment I've dealt with in the past YEAR alone. I'm so done with this shit [SEE ABOVE YOU LAZY FUCKS<3]. Sorry for the book.
Sexist? Seriously, fuck you.
Last edited by Cemynx on 08 Jun 2014 20:14, edited 1 time in total.
|