It's like if you live in America, you shouldn't get mad at someone because they're not from your culture and doesn't know the customs. Ask her how many customs from other countries she knows(but not really). It's like a Russian guy getting mad at you in the street because you can't speak Russian. Well fuckity fuck fuck look at frosty go...
a russian will probably get mad at you for something else way before that, though honestly most of them are decent people. the last person i was involved with was Ukrainian and her family was similar to what you're describing. everything was respecting your elders though a lot of it was respect in general, and honestly a lot of that is not so common for people not raised in a culture like that. i guess what i am trying to say it can be very odd for someone who is not used to the customs. we had several mutual friends who were put in awkward situations because they had no idea about the culture and would get angry stares and so forth. in my honest opinion that is just some people being ignorant that not all cultures are the same and they cant accept it. for example, some of our friends came from completely
different backgrounds and yet her family or mine sometimes would expect them to know everything about ours; without it ever being explained/mentioned, while knowing nothing
about theirs. thats just my opinion anyway, you should try to be respectful and understanding of how others are raised but also do the same for theirs.
i don't know a whole lot about the situation but i would hope either your boyfriend or someone else in his family could explain the customs to you. its pretty shitty when people give you a difficult time or look differently at you because you don't know everything automatically. i had to explain to friends who would visit my family or come over for dinner how everything worked, because at least imo its a lot different from how standard dinner is in the u.s.
hopefully everything will be explained and work out for you though.
^Feel free to add for mm/altpug/10mans/anything else