Absurd Minds

More than 100 years without a motto.
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 Post subject: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 09:35 
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Writing this is going to be hard for me. I had one of my worst outbursts last time I talked to you guys and the guilt can haunt me no longer. I feel like a betrayed my family. I feel absolutely terrible for what I did. I realize that I caused inter-clan strife and that I caused contention and torment to my fellow former clanmates. There is no other way to put it. I can't not talk to guys. I need companionship. I need forgiveness. But I know it's going to be hard. I took every conversation and discussion as an argument. I took every comment personal. But I can't change the past. I can only make the future better. That's why I am asking for an unbanning. I know this will be difficult seeing as I cursed out everyone and left but I truly believe that my altruistic intentions will bring out some out of my fellow peers. I just want to play counter strike with my friends. And I do consider you friends. Friends that I betrayed. I can't say I'm sorry enough.

To Serial, I am so sorry for bringing contention to your clan and I wish only the best for you. Please forgive me.

To Amaroq, I feel the same way and I apologize for not taking things in a serious manner.

To Cemy, I am sorry for making you the blunt victim in my crazy rambling when I left. I took the accusation of gaslighting very seriously and it is 115% my fault the way I acted.

But I can;t hold any grudges. I am open to you guys adding me on steam or vice versa.
Please seriously consider my final plea. I am all ears now and want to hear your input. My sincerest apologies.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 10:56 
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I didn't think you were banned? What's your steam id?

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 11:30 
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STEAM_0:0:69494537

I remember the AM servers saying I was banned after i tried to connect right after the shitstorm.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 11:31 
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Yep, you're right. I guess I just forgot. We'll discuss your appeal. Is there anything else you'd like to mention to help convince us that you're a different person from the one we banned?

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 11:38 
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The person you banned is me but the person you banned is also the good side of robot too. I will understand if I stay banned but I think any rules I may have broken do not warrant a permaban. I believe enough time has passed and that we can mend whatever was lost. AM was the best year of my life and I hope to extend the good times as much as possible. I hope you guys spare me. That's all I have to say.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 11:49 
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Quote:
The person you banned is me but the person you banned is also the good side of robot too.
Well, it's the bad side we banned. We banned you because when you left the clan we had every intention of allowing you to stay around as a community member, and I believe you had the intention to stick around as well. But your continued inability to refrain from being exceptionally rude to clan and community members and your apparently increased desire to make everybody so uncomfortable they didn't want to come around anymore is what led you to be banned. Are you saying (with the statement "the person you banned is me") that you're incapable or unwilling to present yourself differently?
Quote:
I believe enough time has passed and that we can mend whatever was lost.
But why do you believe that? That's what I'm trying to get at. What has changed in the time that has passed that would lead you to believe that you can mend what you broke?

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 11:56 
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Quote:
Well, it's the bad side we banned. We banned you because when you left the clan we had every intention of allowing you to stay around as a community member, and I believe you had the intention to stick around as well. But your continued inability to refrain from being exceptionally rude to clan and community members and your apparently increased desire to make everybody so uncomfortable they didn't want to come around anymore is what led you to be banned. Are you saying (with the statement "the person you banned is me") that you're incapable or unwilling to present yourself differently?
No, the statement "the person you banned is me" refers to the fact that I am the person you banned. AM banned robot. I am robot. I am a different person in how I respond to things but I am still Andrew. I am still robot. That's what I was referring to.

Quote:
But why do you believe that? That's what I'm trying to get at. What has changed in the time that has passed that would lead you to believe that you can mend what you broke?
I believe I have became a better person. The last few months I have reflected on how I treat people and how I want to be treated. I can't say there was any one incident that sparked my change in thought it just sort of happened. I can't really explain it because I have never been good at articulating how I feel but I can say I feel better and more compassionate and less abrasive.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 12:09 
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Also, now that I think about it my "bad side" was pretty terrible but I don't feel so angry anymore. Infact, when I have a mood swing I have become really sad.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 12:10 
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Quote:
AM banned robot. I am robot.
:( My question was meant to be read as "how are you as a person different from the person we banned?" Obviously I know you can't just become a completely different entity.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 12:21 
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Quote:
Quote:
AM banned robot. I am robot.
:( My question was meant to be read as "how are you as a person different from the person we banned?" Obviously I know you can't just become a completely different entity.
Oh sorry. Took that one a little too literal XD.

I am now a senior in high school and half a year went away. I can say that I am now using the golden rule more often and put other feelings of people's in front of my own impulses. My depression has got worse but my ADHD is a lot lower than it used to. I realize that I am talking to human beings and not avatars. On the internet it is very easy to forget that your online activity affects your real life and that your online activity affects other lives. While this may seem simple, It's hard to forget that the people you are fragging are also human beings with emotions and feelings. I got my head wrapped up in Counter Strike and now I realize that my actions have affected other people. That's how I changed.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 15:02 
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first of all

"I'm done. Sorry for the pain I caused. I will no longer be involved in AM. I knew since you called for my vote that hostility towards me was going to grow. Whatever. Jester, Noctis, and Azn always had beef with me because they are salty as fuck. They managed to rally more people in their hate crusade. It's fucking cute. Everytime someone is on the losing team they get super butthurt. They can grow the fuck up. Some games you win some games you loose and just becuase i makes jokes when a bad team with bad players is getting destroyed doesn't mean I need to change my jokes. Over sensitivity has plagued my relationship with the clan. Cemy can claim gaslighting or whatever bullshit spews from her mouth but honestly I only said that I like to get in the other team's head. I never said I was going to abuse people or be annoying and anyone that states anything else I a fucking liar. I got a true taste of some of the people I met when I looked at the member's section. Calling people annoying and standing on a fucking high horse like king shit. Fuck that. The only thing annoying is when circlejerk discussions happen and no dece. I now know why so many people left the clan. Because the atmosphere is very clique-y. That is to be expected in any clan but It reminds me of when you said you were the best aimer in the clan par none (The 1v1 Tournament I created). Then you lost, blamed it on the game and forfeit. I'm not here to personally attack you but the arrogance of that comment mad me mad for a long time and now is the only time I will be able to tell you that. Anyway, Sorry"

that is the bullshit that you sent me before you acted like a 5 year old and blocked me. So first and foremost, fuck you, there is no fucking chance in hell that you will get unbanned. In fact, I take you coming back and asking for this after what you sent to me as a PERSONAL SLAP IN THE FACE. How fucking dare you? You were a piece of shit routinely day in and day out. You made clan members not want to be around other clan members and half the clan was threatening to leave because of YOU and you alone. Your attitude is the fucking worst attitude I have ever experienced. You say you have reflected and now you feel bad, well piss on that. I don't believe one fucking word you are saying, and I'll repeat it, YOU ARE A LIAR. You made as much noise on your way out as you could, but like a fucking child you had to say your last word and then block people before they could respond to you fucking bullshit. I wish no good things for you. You burned your fucking bridge now sleep in the shitty bed you made. Time for you to fucking learn that when you are a shitty person, you will get treated like a shitty person. Even if you REALLY do feel sorry, I couldn't fucking care less. I hope you feel bad, I hope it makes you lose sleep at night. I stood by you and put up with a lot of shit, and then you had the fucking audacity to send me that little paragraph of fucking nonsense and then block me. As I said in your thread before, good fucking riddance. The clan has been so much better off since you left. People are happy, no one is fighting, and everyone is free to openly discuss topics without some snot nosed, know it all, little cunt bag making even feel like shit for having an opinion. I can't express this enough, YOU WILL NEVER BE UNBANNED! Out of pure spite I'll run the clan into the fucking ground before letting you come around again. I don't even care if you change and are the most amazing person ever. Live with your shitty choices. You still seem very very unaware of what your issue are, why you were banned, and the entire situation in general. I am beyond flabbergasted that you would even THINK we would accept you back after what you did, and the way you treated people that called you a FRIEND. You never saw any of us as friends (don't try to say otherwise its completely pointless) nor did you treat anyone like it. You never bought into the clans morals or ideas, and you were basically just hanging on the back of the truck waiting for an opportunity to inflict more pain and suffering on those around you. I don't really care what is going on in your personal life, depression, parents, school. None of it matters. You are the person you are because you choose to do the things you do each and every day, no one forces you to say what you say, or to act the way you do. That is all on you.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 15:04 
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Alright then. I'll see my way out. Thanks for the fun times we had together.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 15:14 
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I must admit having my own nasty wall of text does really hurt. I truly understand how I made you feel serial.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 20:12 
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Joined: 26 Sep 2010 22:53
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Location: T͚̜͙͚̠̦ͬͧ̐ͬĥ͙͉͙̥̹̝͖ͮ̒̒̋ͤ̄eͭͫͭ ̥̤͔̽ͥ͐ͦͦͣỊ̒̎n̖͚̘͇̬̟te̻̥͇̳̲̲͊̂͆ͩr̝̯̦̼͔̖̻̽n͙ͬ͆̎e͔̰͎ͩ͋̀̚t̮̞͎̓ͨ́
I agree with serial 100%. I was beside you ALWAYS. I ALWAYS had your back. Even when you were dead wrong and yelling at people, I made sure they treated you fairly. And then you fucking turn on me in the MIDDLE of me backing you up when you were, once again, in the wrong. Fuck you dude. Why are you even here.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 20:22 
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You should find a different community - one that you didn't totally shit on in the past is probably a better idea.


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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 02 Jul 2015 20:54 
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Quote:
. Why are you even here.
I wanted to try and apologize to the people I offended. I knew I wasn't going to be allowed to play again but I wanted to get my message across. I couldn't end on rage quitting. I see now that I am not wanted and will once again go away. Unless anything new happens or changes. But yeah there was no way an angry letter was the way I was going out.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2015 17:50 
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I understand that my apology was unsatisfactory and I can definately say that is true. I removed most of my steam friends after the great shitstorm of 2015 and this included most AM members. To the people I removed I can say that I am truly and heartfully apologetic. To Northern, Lu, Jester, Noctis, Mutiny, JeRo, Azn, Karma, Kami, Funny, Stickly, imok, Redman, Travis, Phobia, Insanity, Jabber, and GoatMips I am sorry for not inlcuding you in the first apology.

I would like to address Travis who like you said always had my back. No matter what wrongs I may have did you always defended my bullshit and for that I am truly grateful. I am broken because of how I turned my back on you.

To Jester, Noctis, Azn, and Lu I know you guys didn't like me at times. Looking back this was 110% justified and you guys were the first to call me out on my bullshit. I am truly grateful for you to call me on my shit. I am so sorry for hurting you guys over and over. It was a lack of maturity on my part. I wrote this in a private message and I think it belongs here. This statement is in response to the intentions of my apology.

I am apologizing to set the record straight and let people know that I am mortified at the way I used to treat people. I am apologizing so people know that it was never my intention to have the meltdown I had. I'm not only apologizing to make myself feel better but to be honest it is one reason of many because I can't live with myself knowing I screwed my friends over. I am so deeply troubled by the fact my former colleagues no longer trust me. The trust that was gained and lost over 1 year. I failed AM by tormenting them with my bad behavior. I seriously hurt people. That's why I'm sorry.

If anyone is upset that I didn't address them please let me know.

I'll add more as I reflect in this time of my life. I can only dream of playing with you guys again.

If nothing happens in my ban appeal I don't care but I want to let you guys know how deeply mortified I am in how I behaved.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2015 21:30 
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Location: T͚̜͙͚̠̦ͬͧ̐ͬĥ͙͉͙̥̹̝͖ͮ̒̒̋ͤ̄eͭͫͭ ̥̤͔̽ͥ͐ͦͦͣỊ̒̎n̖͚̘͇̬̟te̻̥͇̳̲̲͊̂͆ͩr̝̯̦̼͔̖̻̽n͙ͬ͆̎e͔̰͎ͩ͋̀̚t̮̞͎̓ͨ́
EDIT: Benefit of the doubt. Apparent over-reaction.

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Last edited by Traviesaurus on 07 Jul 2015 23:20, edited 1 time in total.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2015 23:08 
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I played some cs go with funny today and never got back on. I had my computer on but i was afk for 3 hours. Your friend request is still probably there. Sorry dude that i didn't get to it. I just wasn't online. Shit. I hope you understand and will accept asap. If you don't i also understand but i want the chance to explain my story. I'm on my ipod and it's getting late so i will have to check tommorow.

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 Post subject: Re: I can't anymore.
PostPosted: 07 Jul 2015 23:45 
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Joined: 25 Mar 2010 20:32
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I don't care how sorry you are nor do I care about you saying that shit about me in your rant. Truthfully, I laughed at it when I got to that part and I wasn't trying to call you out on anything. I asked you to do one damn thing and one EASY thing at that and it was to show SOME form of compassion. Your argument against that was the fact that you talked shit to others to get in their head and that's what fucking made me angry and hostile towards you. I can give you some benefit of the doubt if it was towards clan members but you did it to anyone and everyone. I honestly don't care what happens to you and I don't want your apology. Serial is right with the fact that with your absence, the clan is happier and I am MUCH happier with the way things have been going. I will say this though: if for some God-forsaken reason you are allowed into our servers, know that I will NOT acknowledge your existence any more than just a mere human being. I will say my greetings and nothing beyond that.

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